thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
