So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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