No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
