do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
