Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
