watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
