my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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