Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
