the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
