just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
