ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
