The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
