I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
