when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
