Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
