thus making me awesome and them whores
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
