The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
