I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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