I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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