Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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