you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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