Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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