I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
