Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
