I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
