I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
