I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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