I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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