I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
