Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
