are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
