my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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