remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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