whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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