I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
