Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ladies don't puke and tell
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
