Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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