i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
