There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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