Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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