How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
