Can i not drive my cunt home
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize