Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
