so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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