I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize