Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
