New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
