he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize