Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
