i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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