I bet he comes in French.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
