Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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