I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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