My cat gives me a boner
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
