omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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