this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
