There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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