So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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