We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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