The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
