my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
